Freedom Dance Party Mix: Dance Like the Last 8 Years Didn't Happen

Dance Like No One is Watching
It has been proven that dancing makes you a happier person. Scientifically! Something about jiggling one of the glands in your head, or something. This creates a "good vibes" sensation that is highly beneficial to your mental and physical health. But that is not what matters here.

There is nothing better than going to a party--especially a party where you don't know the host, or most of the people there for that matter--getting tipsy, dancing until you are so sweaty you could grease every Mr. Universe contestant since 1983, and taking home a playmate. (This is merely an opinion. There are many things in the world that are certainly better than this, but for the purposes of this post, we are assuming that indeed, there is nothing better.) I've compiled a playlist of some of my favorite music that makes me wanna move, some that isn't my favorite but that I can groove to, and some that I honestly can't stand in normal situations save for under the influence. But here is the fun part: I'll let you choose your own adventure. (I know, I'm so magnanimous.) So take my categories here, and fill in your own choices in the comments section. It's the best part, after all. The difference between dancing by yourself in your underwear (which is fun, indeed), and dancing with a churning group of people that couldn't stop moving if they wanted to (that is really fun).

Songs to Get Tart-y/Brute to
If we're being honest, we know what trash (coughcoughmadonnacough) we like to listen to in the privacy of our own homes when we are "girlin' out with our clam out" (part copyright Dustin Rowles) or "rockin' with the cock in" (that one's all me); but what about when we are gearing up for a night of hot, sexy, sweaty dancing? These songs should make you feel sexy, fierce (although I hate using that word because of a certain former model turned Oprah-wannabe with an advanced degree in entitlement), and all around bitchin'. Here are my picks; leave yours in the comments, gals and guys.

You Shook Me All Night Long, ACDC: This is my classic choice. It starts off easy but rocking (because god knows you don't want to blow your load too early), and it's about sex. Score.

Chemical Calisthenics, Blackalicious: I dare you--no, I double dare you--to not want to fucking groove to this shit. With timing and beat changes galore, this gets your rhythm receptors at full attention. That, and Blackalicious is just fucking awesome. Clearly, that is the only reason one truly needs.

One Way Or Another, Blondie: Show me a girl that hasn't sung this into her hairbrush while making growly faces in the mirror, and I'll show you a girl that could possibly need a lobotomy. This song is pure feistyness.

Don't Stop, Brazilian Girls: Great beat, easy lyrics that make me want to have sex after I dance to it. Enough said.

Freedom, George Michael: The video has hot supermodels (which admittedly has nothing to do with this choice at all--I just can't help myself from mentioning it every time I think about this song), and it is a great sing-along song for applying mascara--no head banging.

Albums to Drive to
To be sure that we aren't fiddling with our CD/MP3 player while driving, it should be an album choice, rather than individual songs; an album that is rocking but not distracting, and all the songs are decent listening choices so you don't have to make too many changes. (You people that mess with your shit while you're driving? This is for you. It might save your life. Because it will quell my desire to murder you.)

None Shall Pass, Aesop Rock
Only one of the best hiphop albums in the last year. Maybe even the last five years. Crisp, clean, urban, smart, and amazing production.

Kala, M.I.A.
And then we have this album, which is probably the exact opposite of A. Rock's, but just as good. It's sloppy, unintelligible, jungle beat-y, and impossible not to move to.

Sound of Silver, LCD Soundsystem
Ahhhh. This is one of my favorite albums of all time. It is original, mature, smooth electronic punkfunk. It starts out slow...a little slow for comfort...but quickly builds into this undeniably fantastic groove. This is an album you can sink into.

Buena Vista Social Club, Buena Vista Social Club
Sexy sexy Cuban music. Great for feeling hot, especially while driving. It is fantastic music that puts me in a really good mental space (something I find absolutely necessary in order to dance with people I don't know).


The Song to Make an Entrance to
Everyone needs a good entrance; it doesn't have to be your personal anthem or whathaveyou, but it should convey strength, intrigue, and attraction. I like a good, even song that isn't too many BPM, but has just enough attitude to put a little slink in my step.

American Woman, The Guess Who: What can I say, it's America Day!! Happy AMERICA!! And it is also a classic. I'm just a classic kind of girl. You are lucky I'm not pooling from my Southern rock collection right now...

Fever, Peggy Lee: Sultry, smooth, simple. If you can't feel sexy listening to this song, then bless your heart.

Milkshake, Kelis: No, I'm not kidding. It's been long enough that it's cool again. Right?? Pshaw, what am I thinking--of COURSE it's been long enough.
I apologize for nothing!!!

Son of a Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield: Also a classic, but with a bit more flirt.


The Song That Makes You Gasp and Beeline the Dance Floor
Again, this list is totally outing myself from the "uber cool music nerd" group, but I'm totally not caring. At this point, I'll let you decide whether I am drunk posting or not.

Groove is in the Heart, Deee-Lite: I LOVE to dance to this song, and every remix ever made in every bad club I've ever been to. Thank you, Deee-Lite, for ensuring that I will NEVER go to a club and not hear this song.

Heavy Metal Drummer, Wilco: This might not be the classic "Oh my GAH let's go dance NOW!" choice, but for me, it makes me dance. Maybe good associations or something. I'm not willing to explore my psyche any further than that. Who knows what the fuck is down there...

My Sharona, The Knack: Totally embarassing admission--I rocked the Reality Bites soundtrack so much that I physically cannot just sit and listen to this song. My body forces me to get up and dance like a true moron. Leg kicks and all. Gahhh.

Crazy, Gnarls Barkley: Good opening bass + great pace + the word "crazy" said like "cuh-rah-hhhhaaaaaa-zaaaaaay" = WIN!


The Song to Get Sweaty to
Oh man, this so sooooo much fun you guys!@! I think we should' do this more often--oops, sorry about your drink; here, let me find you a paper tow--OH I HAVE TO STAY FOR THIS ONE, SORRY...

Music is My Hot, Hot Sex, CSS (yeah Effina!): I don't CARE that it was on an iPod commerical--I care that it makes me wanna SHAKE IT. WOOOO!

Billie Jean, PYT, or Thriller, Michael Jackson: Do the funny zombie swaying-claw dance! Oh, you know, the one---it's like this...weird pendulum thing! You don't KNOW IT??

Backyard Betty, Spank Rock: Please, do yourself a favor and get his latest album, YoYoYo. You will not regret it. It is soo dirty, y'all! heeee! (Seriously, it is dirty AWESOME.)


The Song to Seduce To
Oooh, hey, look at that dude. Nice shoulders. MMmm. He's turning around, ok, nice ass, good. I'm going in.

Wandering Star, Portishead: I wanna fuck this song. I really do. I've tried. It is what sex sounds like when you write it into a song.

Feed Me, Tricky: Slow and sexy and heavy, but still moves enough to make a dance out of it.

Os Novos Yorkinos, Bebel Gilberto: Think hips, wrists, arms; this Brazilian bitch knows what she is doing. (Bitch in the good way. Just FYI. I don't know how well you know me.)

Slow Like Honey, Fiona Apple: Again, slow and sexy, and all the right words.


The Song That Finds You Screaming Along at the Top of Your Lungs When You've Maybe Had One Too Many
Whew, I need another beer. Oh man, there's nothing but Beam? Shit, alright, well...fuck it, I'm having FUN! (Oh, how those words have come back to haunt me...)

Cherry Pie, Warrant: Ha ha ha!! Oh, I'm such a douchebag. I swear I was not in a sorority. No offense to sororities.

Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leoppard: See above.

The Sweater Song, Weezer: See: the last party I was at that ended in a sing-along. A Weezer sing-along. Sometimes I even shock myself.

I Like Big Butts, Sir Mix-a-lot: Everyone knows at least the first ten words. That counts.

Don't Stop Believin', Journey (courtesy of my baby sistaaaar!): I don't get it. It must be a Maryland thing. :)

I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night, Kiss: DUH! I wanna rock and roll all night, too! Sweet! Let's SCREAM IT AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!!

Ice, Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (yo yo yo SelfishKitty): Ok, so weird grammar nerd question because I just don't feel like looking it up? What is the correct comma use for this song? Two commas? One comma? NO commas?

I could go on for a while here...


The Song to Make an Exit To
I ahm shmashed!! Caan sumone givvvve me a riiiiiidee? Pleease?Aw mans, thanks mister. Whaat are you, a stunt maan or somethingk? Weeerd.

Love Her Madly, The Doors: "Wanna be her daddy" is just fucking awesome.