Play Dumb Play Dead Play Straight: The Dead Weather

This album is like a carefully constructed sloppy outfit; a carerected slopfit, if you will. You know exactly what I'm talking about: the kind of outfit that a [insert emo/hipster/etc. stereotype] takes hours to build, but all in an effort to make it seem, well, effortless. It is a just-rolled-out-of-bed, recording-our-band-practice kind of sound.

Not to say that this album is sloppy: it isn't. And not to say that it seems effortless: it doesn't. In fact, it is delicately imbued with an intoxicating kinetic energy. The idea that I'm trying to get at is that this album is meticulous anti-synchronicity. The syncopations are not consistent, but they are sure as hell intentional. Every beat, every dirty chord, is placed exactly where it is meant to go. It is the epitome of "brand new worn out" jeans: broken in so you don't have to.

If this all seems to be a terribly confusing description, then good. Because I'm doing it on purpose. You have now experienced the written equivalent of my listening to The Dead Weather's freshman effort. Maybe it's my mindset, maybe my lack of focus--I honestly don't know--but it took me a good FIVE listens to actually "hear" this album. For the record, this is incredibly untypical for me; usually I can listen to something once and tell you exactly what I like and don't like about it; I'm that kind of opinionated ass. But this...this was different.

And I want to say right here that I dig it. Really dig it. This album is just downright fucking sexy. If this album was a one-night stand, it would be with that hot fucker from a smoky dive bar that you bang in secret in your tiny college apartment. Sure, it might be good ol' missionary style sex, but it is a deep, intense penetration that you talk about for weeks. And maybe booty call a few times, just for the hell of it. Maybe more than a few times. This could go on regular booty call rotation.

I have been hearing a lot of backlash against Jack White these days, and I can relate to where that is coming from. Yeah, he is in, like, FIFTY different bands. Yeah, he has that whole "I'm a rocker, I'm too cool for skoo" vibe. Yeah, he has the scuzzy black hair, motorcycle jacket, and big black boots. But in spite of any possible comparisons to rocker cliches that you could impose, you cannot deny that the man can CHURN OUT some fucking listenable music. He has a gift: a gift of rock. If Jack White was the little boy Jack Black in The Pick of Destiny, it would have been Led Zeppelin talking to him from a poster on the back of his bedroom door.

I'm going to shy away from a track by track description, other than to leave you with this video. This FUCKING AWESOME video. They call it a short film rather than a video, and I can see why.

The Dead Weather, Treat Me Like Your Mother




AND the behind the scenes. Apparently, it is algebraic.




And for you film geeks: This is YES.



They really are too cool.

Our Favorite Album Covers

Much like a musician who is part of a band but also releases solo material, I'm sort of glad we saved this post for this site as opposed to Pajiba. Of course, maybe if we woulda posted this on Pajiba, we'd still be on Pajiba. Right. Because this post is going to be that important.

I also want you to know that this post is totally NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK! You have been warned.

Anyway, here are each writer's (who cared to participate) Top 3 covers:

Sean

Buchanan, All Understood

It's not graphic or even all that provocative, but it always struck me as amusing. We know what's going on in there, guys. Maybe not the specifics, but...we get it. Lotta steam, too; somebody's good.

Faith No More, Songs to Make Love To

Rhinoceros humping. Indeed.

Rush, Power Windows

Alright, so my musical tastes don't really lend themselves to controversial cover art. You'll have to deal with what I think is cool, then. Hugh Syme has been producing excellent, thought-provoking cover art for decades, and this is one of my favorites.

I'd also like to make a brief mention of another prolific cover-artist: Storm Thorgerson. Not necessarily because he's produced a number of iconic covers, including Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. But because the man's name--his GIVEN NAME--is STORM fucking THORGERSON. I dare you to find me a legit birth name that's more rock 'n' roll than that.

Jez

Dwarves, Blood, Guts & Pussy

Yeah, it's totally misogynist, but there are naked women covered in blood and a dwarf acting like he's having sex with a rabbit. It's totally an affront to your sensibilities.

Black Crowes, Amorica

Umm, so yeah. I kind of like the low-brow covers.

Zipgun, Baltimore

A guy dressed up in a bunny suit giving an easter egg to a poodle. Folks, I dare you to find a more fucked up cover than this. Not necessarily a big smack in the head like the first two, but more like "What the fuck?"

Chris Polley

STNNNG, Dignified Sissy [Modern Radio; 2005]

I already knew the Minneapolis spazz-punk outfit STNNNG were awesome when I saw them live. It just so happened that an album cover featuring a polar bear viciously attacking armed men cinched the deal for me when contemplating whether to purchase their music. Also, every song sounds like the gruesome act depicted in the detailed illustration, so they get bonus points for appropriately complementary iconography.

I Am David Sparkle, This Is The New [Kitty Wu; 2007]

Okay so the actual visual, especially in JPEG form, of this album is nothing notable. But what makes holding the album cover in your hands so special upon purchasing the glistening and climactic instrumental guitar music of Singapore's I Am David Sparkle is that in order to get to the CD, you have to at least partially destroy its paper casing upon which the artwork is printed. Sewed together on all four sides with black thread, it is impossible to remove the disc from the packaging without ripping its cover, forcing you to work, to undo, to disassemble the art in order to hear the music. Call me a sucker, but I love pretentious shit like this.

Owen, At Home With [Polyvinyl; 2006]

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I owned this album for a good two months before I noticed the item of mystery behind its cover's photographic composition. There the record sat, in my car's passenger seat, every single day for weeks as I listened to it obsessively on repeat, until one night I parked in my garage, picked it up to bring inside as the dim overhead light helped me catch a new found glimpse of its front side. Suddenly, as I stared, crickets chirping and the engine finally whirring down to a slight whine, I noticed it. Behind the fog, lying on the grass amongst the intimidating sprawling tree and foliage I finally saw it. If you're like me and don't see it right away, look closer. Hopefully when you notice it, it won't be as the automatic light in your car and garage turn off simultaneously and freak you out to the point of smacking your head on the door.

Boo

Nirvana, Nevermind

This is probably one of the most iconic album covers of my generation. I mean, you have the triumvirate of power, all captured here in a perversely simple image: money, penis, and swimming pools. (I could get all pretentious here, and talk about the imagery as symbolism for the delicate balance between life and death, but honestly, it's been a long day and I really just want to give this bottle of wine a blow job.)

Ween, Chocolate & Cheese

I had to add my own boobage. Ween and a pro-wrestling reference. I'm Southern. Need I say more? Oh yeah: blowjob.

Aphex Twin, Windowlicker

Jez: I see your Zipgun cover and raise you an Aphex Twin.

Sleep tight, kids.

Live Show Love: Jolie Holland

We arrived a bit late, stood in the back of our local dive-ish club, and soaked in the great set by Jolie Holland and her supporting bandmates. Holland is this surprising (and exciting, for me at least) combination of country/alt-country, soul,rock, and jazz singer. It's like she's playing country music with a jazz voice, but rocking it out into a soul/blues feel. It is incredibly easy to get wrapped up in her compositions and melodys--especially for a musician, singer, or songwriter--and seeing her live really cemented, for me, how incredibly talented this woman is.

Jolie Holland is one of the founding members of The Be Good Tanyas and currently labelmates with Tom Waits (who also happens to be a huge fan of hers). She is this kind of musician that I find equal parts inspiring and intimidating. Her voice is freakin' flawless; not only did she sound as good as her extremely well-produced albums--she sounded better. In fact, she blew her own pants off. The girl can SANG.

Jolie Holland, Mexico City


She is also extremely laid back and down to Earth; but most importantly, she is hot and has this cute way of talking out of the side of her mouth. And she loves Bonnie 'Prince' Billie. Le sigh!

Short interview w/ Holland:

Countrypolitan Favorites

So, if you asked me what was my favorite part about a recent trip to L.A., you might (or might not, depending on how well you know me) be surprised by hearing a NC born and bred, metropolitan hearted, big titty jazz singer girl like me saying that my favorite part was seeing a NC band play in a Malibu beach bar.

I've seen Southern Culture on the Skids, oh, maybe 20 times in the last 8 to 10 years; one reason being that they are from Chapel Hill, NC, where I went to college, and another being that I just fucking love their sound. It is self-described "toe sucking geek rock," that in layman's terms sounds like hillbilly surfer swamp rock. But one thing is for sure: It fucking ROCKS. There is no way--NO WAY--that you can go to a SCOTS show and NOT dance. I'm serious! This last show I saw in Malibu would have been the place for it. Shoved to the gills with chicks and dicks that looked like they came straight out of a casting call for Laguna Beach, or the Hills, or whatever that poser crap it, and the whole room was bouncing through the entire show.

My man and I were fortunate enough to know a few of the band members, so when they asked the "North Carolina couple to come on stage" for Eight Piece Bucket, there was no saying No. And so my hubs and I--me, a self-described assertive outgoing cunt, and he, a quiet, tattooed, heavy metal-loving furniture maker--jumped on stage and ate pieces of cold, greasy, fried chicken while we danced like maniacs. It was pure heaven. True story.

There is no introducing this band, so I just pulled some random vids. Please, please, do yourself and favor and check them out. ESPECIALLY if you've never heard of them. And if you happen to be in the Asheville, NC area a week from Friday, meet me at the bar of the Grey Eagle for some beers. I'm the girl with the purple hair and a potty mouth.

From the Peanut Gallery: Best Songs to Karaoke To

Taking a page from one of my favorite websites evarr, I wanted to do a little spotlight on the commenters today.

So, the grand question: What are your Top 5 Karaoke Song Choices? Not songs that you like to hear other people sing, but the songs that finally convince you to join your friends in looking like complete idiots on the stage.

My five?

1. Stuck In the Middle With You
2. Pour Some Sugar On Me (BUT only in a drunken group situation--Oh god that is embarrassing)
3. Barracuda
4. Son of a Preacher Man
5. Anything by the Jackson 5

Ok, GO!

Friday is Theme Day!! Soundtracks Soundtracks Soundtracks!

Oh, how we love a good theme! Huzzah and Hoorah! And what better than to combine two of the things that most of us love in the whole big wide world: MUSIC and MOVIES. Thus, we will present Soundtrack Fridays for the next little bit.

Ah, the beauty of setting music to a story. It accomplishes so many things at once. Music can cue us in to what the director wants us to feel: Love, terror, tension, drama, sadness, boredum—a whole spectrum of emotion. Music helps the director to really create an atmosphere; afterall, what would Deliverance be without "Dueling Banjos"?

A fantastic soundtrack can take a decent movie and catapult it into greatness. A good song can stay with us as we leave the movie theater, can bring our thoughts back to a beautiful moment, and can add a fourth dimension to the artistry of the film. Show me a movie with a bad soundtrack, and I'll show you a bad movie. They ultimately go hand in hand.

For my Soundtrack Friday post, I'm going to present a musical buffet. It is so hard to pin down one good soundtrack—they really need to be divided into their proper genres. I'm gonna chose my own genres here, and hopefully my pics will make sense within each one.

Glorious Guilty Pleasure Soundtracks
Dirty Dancing
I'm getting this one out of the way first, because it is by far the guiltiest. The reason this particular soundtrack made the list is not for the furiously insulting "I've Had the Time of My Life," or even the mediocre at best "She's Like the Wind," but for the undercurrent of music that runs throughout the movie. Otis Reddings "Love Man," Mickey and Sylvia's "Love Is Strange" really save it for me, among other classics.



The Best Soundtrack Featuring One Artist or Group
Harold and Maude: Cat Stevens
This was a tough one, but ultimately I think the soundtrack affects the mood of this movie more than my other choice, so I'm going with it. It has some of the happiest music ("If You Wanna Sing Out, Sing Out") and some of the saddest music ("Trouble") to ever grace the silver screen. This song is actually my favorite under-1 min song ever. (I hate the Happy Birthday song. Hate.)

Tea for the Tillerman


The Best "Harken Back" Soundtrack
Almost Famous
The Who. Simon and Garfunkel. Yes. The Beach Boys. Lynyrd Skynard. Led Zepellin. Nancy Wilson. David Bowie. The Allman Brothers Band. Elton John. And the best sing-along scene ever.

Tiny Dancer


The Best Without Words (Mostly) Soundtrack
The Proposition: Nick Cave and Warren Ellis
Not only did he capture the mood the director was going for, Cave and Ellis created almost another entity within the movie with his haunting violins, didgeridoo, deep slow drum beats, and spares piano. It not only underscores the harshness of the Outback (the violins buzzing like flies and crisp humming like hot sun), it gives the characters and even more intense reality and emotion. Powerful.



The Best Covers on a Soundtrack
No, not "The Wedding Singer." Ha ha.
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Seu Jorge, a Portugese guitarist, covering David Bowie! Ah, love.

Androgyny and The Great Gender Bend

A philosophical question: What came first—the gender bending artist or their music? Does the music they create pull this persona from within, or is it the persona that pulls the music out?

In our modern culture, are we attracted to the lack of sexual characteristics or is it more the possibility of either?

Take for instance: Prince. Or, The Artists Formerly Known As Prince. Or, Prince Again. (Does anyone know what he actually goes by now?) Now, I wouldn't necessarily consider him androgynous, but he certainly knows how to blur the sexual lines, and he is certainly more sexual (in his early '90s days, as witnessed by the following video) than many of the more typically androgynous performers.

Seriously, ENJOY.



Alas, no ass. (Really, what the hell has happened to America? I haven't seen an onstage orgy on cable since, well, since 1991. A real cryin' shame.) Now that I'm thinking about it, he really looks like a woman in drag more than anything. (He sure does have a pretty face, mm hmm.)

Now, on the other hand, consider THE David Bowie. Andro? Yes. Sexual? Depends. (For me, the answer to that second question is an unequivocal "YES," but I'm aware that many do not share that sentiment.)

Let's taste, shall we?



I'm Afraid of Americans (featuring supersexy Trent Reznor)


With Bowie—and getting back to my original thought—it seems as though his portrayed gender identity comes paired with his music; that the persona brings certain things forward, and they exist hand-in-hand (evidenced by his Ziggy Stardust era, where he actually named the persona). Prince, on the other hand, seems to let his music come through and his true self express its nature. Yes, he is a showman, but there is also honesty in his self-portrayed sexual being. (Am I going way out on a limb here?)

Annie Lennox is more of the Prince variety of andro; she has something to say, says it in her music, and then cultivates the persona to bring power to her message. (Ok, this is all very confusing. I'm getting lost. And sorry for no Annie Lennox videos; they are all disabled. But if you want to see Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This), then go here.)

Thoughts on androgyny in music?

Death Magnetic: Can Metallica Rise from the Dead?

If the first song on this album isn't a reference to the fact that this is an effort to bring back the Metallica that died in the early 90s, then I'll eat my shorts. The organic sounds of a heartbeat, followed by what I like to call a "classic" Metallica intro (a slow, warbly rich guitar tone and the dum, da-da dum, dum of Lars's drumkit), is like breathing new life back into a band that I had all but given up for dead. Followed by—and excuse the expression—a fucking awesome drive and an almost natural (gasp!) evolution into a decent metal song strong with ripped riffs, the first track has me completely convinced that Metallica has come home, and it isn't even my favorite from the album. This isn't to say that they don't lose their way at some points in throughout album, because they do—I mean, seriously, can they just NOT have a bass player and save Robert Trujillo the indignity??—but that all takes a backseat to what I find the most satisfying part of this album: Kirk Hammett's solo extravaganza.

I stopped listening to Metallica after the Black Album. I liked the Black Album, but also note that when it came out, I was an 11-year-old girl stuck in Southern Suburbia—not the typical Metallica fan at that point. The Black Album was my induction into the earlier works they had produced that helped created the thrash metal craze. As I worked my way through Kill 'Em All, Master of Puppets, and the truly incredible ...And Justice for All, I understood why people had felt they had gone so far off course. (I can't name anything produced after 1991, because little metalheads everywhere lose their goathorns when anyone mentions those...disasters.) So in truth, Death Magnetic is rising from the grave for Metallica and their fans everywhere, and I hope they ride the lighting as far as it will go.

The album has its highs and lows, but for the most part it is a strong work that evokes "vintage Metallica": Solid riffs, breakneck tempos, long instrumental interludes and clean, crisp guitar solos (All Nightmare Long, the 5th track of the album, is a testament to how far they have come while retaining their Metallica-ness, and it is a headbanger's wet dream). But the lows are typical Metallica-bashing fodder: No hint of allowing the bass to come through (really, what is it about these guys and bass players?), the drumwork is decent at best, temporary lapses into a prog rock genre that they never really grasped, and lyrics that are bordering childish in their "metalness" ("catatonic overload," "slave becomes the master," and "tainted miser-AY" are just a few of the lyrical gems). But if you can look past those few foibles, you are really going to enjoy the ride. The songs are 7, 8, and 9 minutes long, there is a great blend of new sound contained within their classic 80s metal style, and the production is truly fucking amazing; I mean, seriously, this sound is fucking STACKED. For the first time in a long, long time, it feels like Metallica is going somewhere.

All Nightmare Long, from Metallica's Death Magnetic (2008)



Overall, I give Death Magnetic 4 out of 5 goats. Not too shabby for a metal band I had committed to the grave over 15 years ago.

Sunday is gloomy, the hours are slumberless

I don't really want to kill myself. At least, not yet. But we have all thought what it would be like; the morbid mind game of choosing an end for oneself. And we all probably know someone that, if not succeeded, has at least attempted it; surely it is not a joking matter.

We all have that dark place. When I go to that dark place, I listen to the music that reflects my inner gloom. Only some of these song are about suicide, but they are all songs that I gravitate towards when I'm low; they are the ones with the most impact for me. A few might be cliche—hell, one is even straight up cheesy—but they all touch something in me, something that I rarely let anyone else see, much less touch. I let this music touch me so that I don't feel so alone in that dark place. So that I can feel like life is worth living.


Gloomy Sunday (Reszo Seress), covered by Bjork
Bjork can really tear me to pieces (see Dancer in the Dark). Hearing her sing these lyrics with that passionate pain behind her voice, I imagine that she feels every word; they aren't just lyrics for her, she lives the words as they emit from her soul.




Fade to Black (Metallica), covered by Apocalyptica
The cello is by far my favorite instrument for its ability to pull from me a feeling of loss. It's tone vibrates deep within, and when you combine this resonant sound with Metallica, well, it's an amazing product of raw emotion.




Hurt (Trent Reznor), covered by Johnny Cash
Oh Jesus. Just watching this video puts me on the edge. Cash's eyes are filled with memory, loss, and pain. If you can't relate to this song, then you have had a far happier life than 99% of the rest of the world.




Needle in the Hay (Elliott Smith), covered by Kermit the Frog
It is almost too much for me to listen to Elliott sing this song, especially considering that he did commit suicide, and in a way far too brutal for me to imagine. So I give you Sad Kermit, which in all honestly isn't that much better. But at least he's just a puppet.




Fire and Rain James Taylor
If I need to have a good cry, I start singing this song. Inevitably, I break down through the second line.




Mad World (Tears for Fears), covered by Gary Jules
This heartbreaking rendition reaches directly to the emotion that I believe the original writers were seeking, but couldn't quite attain with their style.




Everybody Hurts R.E.M
Granted, a cliche. But it is a cliche for a reason. Everybody does hurt.




At Least That's What You Said Wilco
Not quite a typically sad, suicidal song, but I hear such pain when I hear this. It is almost an anthem.




Lived In Bars Cat Power
This video brightens the tone of this song tremendously, because I feel it much more strongly with my earphones on and my eyes closed.




Roads Portishead
Ah, I can't begin to express what this song does to me. I love it so so so much. But again, if I need to cry, I just start singing it.




Fly Away Poe
This is pretty much the dedicated song to anyone that dies. Enough said.




Trouble Cat Stevens
A sad enough song if you have seen Harold and Maude, and an excellent song to listen to while driving around at night with nowhere to go.



Other songs for when I'm down:

Everything is Free, Gillian Welch
With or Without You, U2
Angel, Sarah McLaughlin (cheese, I know)
Wild is the Wind, Nina Simone
I Don't Like Mondays, Tori Amos
Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd
Bang Bang, Nancy Sinatra
Yesterday, The Beatles
Disarm, Smashing Pumpkins
Wanting Memories, Sweet Honey in the Rock
I See a Darkness, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
Back to Black, Amy Winehouse
Are You There, Anathema
Another Little Hole, Aqualung
Cup of Coffee, Garbage
Danny Boy

Baby come back. You can blame it all on me.

Lately I've been lamenting the lack of really good new bands to my husband. It seems new bands these days are either some cheap derivation, a marketing scheme, or a desperate attempt to pass "performers" off as musicians. (Yeah, it sounds like I'm coming from old fart land. Actually, I'm not yet 30, so that isn't it. I think I know what it is. Oh yeah. GOOD TASTE. Take THAT, Vampire Weak-end. I'm sorry, what was that? Why yes, I AM a music snob. And no, I don't mind if you have a go at my expense. I thrive on conflict and whiskey.)

It isn't too much to ask, is it? Some decent new bands? Yes? It IS too much to ask? FUCK.

Well, in a related development, I've decided to post a list of the bands that I would love to see reunite. Some members might be dead, yes, but this is my dream and you can't crush it! Seriously though, this is a list of bands that were truly unique and are no longer creating music. And it makes my soul weep.

I'm sure there will be some of you to take issue with my choices. I planned it that way. So feel to hold back and not tell me how you feel in the comment section.

Soul Coughing.

In a rare reverse reveal, I'm giving you my number one choice for band that I would most love to see reunite. I'm giving them more than just a listing-type shout out because these guys were amazing. They took several distinct genres and created a sound that just wasn't around before them. I've seen them described as "slacker jazz," but seriously, come the fuck on. They are part funk, part hip hop, part spoken word, part jazz, part rock, and all awesome.

Here is a hokey video with the lyrics of the song. Just listen, don't judge.

Mr. Bitterness



True Dreams of Wichita



Ok, so here is the bulk of my list for "Baby Come Back."

Pink Floyd
Stone Temple Pilots
Black Flag
Acid Bath
The Kinks
Soundgarden
The Smiths
Run DMC
Talking Heads
King Crimson
Rage Against the Machine
Dead Kennedys
Luscious Jackson
Faith No More
Sublime
The Fugees
Kyuss
Sleater-Kinney
10,000 Maniacs
Black Sabbath (with Dio, please)
Guns N Roses
Mazzy Star
Deadboy and the Elephant Man

You can clearly see my musical leanings.

And then, of course, my number two choice for reuniting has to be Uncle Tupelo. I pretty much "became a woman" listening to these guys. They combined the best parts of my Southern country upbringing with some much needed rock sans the country pop shite. I love my alt country, and UT embodied the best of it. Here are a couple of tastes of UT, for you unfamiliars.

Postcard



Atomic Power



And just because I'm that much of a dork, here is Uncle Tupelo's last show, last song: A rocking cover of Gimme Three Steps with The Bottle Rockets. Historic.



AND because he has a pretty awesome sense of humor, here's Jeff Tweedy talking about a run-in he had with Jay Farrar while in Mexico after UT broke up.



I love him.

A Good Man is Hard to Find: FATWAPCOOTER and The Ladies of Jazz

Billie Holiday was the first jazz singer I ever heard, and at 13, it was electrifying. Her facile voice, her emotive delivery, and the way she makes it sound so easy all intoxicated me. She is the reason I sing jazz. She never had an easy road, and you can hear her every inflection filled with memory and passion.

If this song doesn't give you goosebumps, you've never been in love and I despair for you. Find love, find it quick, and when you do, listen to Billie.

Billie Holiday, My Man


Nina Simone is that raw, fierce, unbridled energy that comes from having your heart broken one too many times and deciding to scream about it rather than curl up and hide. She puts herself into her music. She sings her life.

Nina Simone, My Man's Gone Now


Bessie Smith is also known as The Empress of Blues. She paved the way for female jazz and blues singers alike, and is still heralded for her incredibly unique voice and forceful presentation. Fucking love her.

Bessie Smith, A Good Man is Hard to Find


Lena Horne has a beautifully pure and technically perfect voice. She embodies the Old Hollywood musical ideal; elegant perfomance style, a tightly controlled vibrato, and a range that could make buffaloes weep with envy.

Lena Horne, Stormy Weather


Peggy Lee is best known for Fever, and with good reason. Damn can that woman make sex with her voice! But here she is, with her husband, guitarist Dave Barbour, making nice and singing a beautiful love song. If you want to create a romantic atmosphere, light some candles, grab your lover, and sway to this song for a little.

Peggy Lee, I Only Have Eyes for You


Ah. The best for last. The First Lady of Song. The woman that I wish I could be. Ella. Ella Ella Ella. She is the smoothest of silk. She makes two octave runs sounds like playschool. She puts the Scat Man to shame. She is the biggest influence in my musical life, and I hope I can meet her in the great whatever one day.
I can't choose just one for her. I don't want to have to.

Ella Fitzgerald, Cry Me A River


Now do yourself a solid and listen to how it should be sung. (Scarlett Johanson needs to stick with being a live pin-up girl and step away from the Summertime.)
Ella Fitzgerald, Summertime

Quick Cuts: Wicked Game

Chris Isaak + Helena Christensen = the sexiest video ever.

Enjoy. But not too much.

Tickle My Ivories: Pianists Everyone Can Appreciate

If you're like me, then you have a strange fetish for musicians that play the same instrument as yourself. For me, that is piano. I've never had formal training, but growing up with an opera singer and professional pianist/organist for a mother, well, something is bound to rub off.

Of course, my mom being the classical nut that she is, I grew up listening strictly to Chopin, Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Rachmaninoff, and other amazing composers that are also dead. So I had to discover a lot of this on my own; the first real rock piano player I was exposed to (and enjoyed) was NOT Billy Joel, Elton John, or Bruce Springsteen. It was a middle-eastern born boy with an overbite from Godtopus himself.

Freddie Mercury
You can't deny his charisma, or his songwriting. Hell, Mercury is a legend.
Queen, Don't Stop Me Now



Jerry Lee Lewis
This man doesn't need an introduction. And if he does, then you need some serious schooling on the roots of rock, honey.
Jerry Lee, Great Balls of Fire
*Note Dick Clark, and how ancient his ass must be.



Nick Cave
For me, Nick is the epitome of an artist, one whose means of creation just happens to be music. That, and he is deliciously curmudgeonly.
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Mercy Seat
*This is from a Japanese TV show, and is a hilarious set-up for Nick's performance; do yourself a favor and listen to the exchange between Nick and the host. Also, check out the fucking amazing piano that he is playing. I'm lusting after it something fierce.



Tori Amos
I worship at the altar of the Almighty Amos. I always have, and I always will; I don't give a shit what direction she takes. But this song, from her most recent collection, is a really interesting choice. My inner Southern girlie does what the kids call "squee" when I hear this.
Tori Amos, Big Wheel



Diana Krall
I really wanted to do a jazz pianist post, and that still might happen, but I had to add two of my favorite jazz pianists because this list would feel so incomplete without them. Diana, who by default would be the coolest woman ever simply by being married to Elvis Costello (shut it you), is not only cooler than cool, but can play her ass off. Not many people can do a Joni Mitchell cover, especially Case Of You, and not only pull it off, but in my opinion give it just the right amount of emotional impact. She kicks.
Diana Krall, Case Of You



Natasha Khan
Run, do not walk, to check out Bat For Lashes. This song isn't as piano heavy (it has more organ), but the rest of the songs on the album are much more plunk. This one is just badass, and the video rocks. How can you not love mask wearing bikers that do wheelies and claps on beat? The answer is, "You can't."
Bat For Lashes, What's A Girl To Do



Ray Charles
The TRUE king. Truly, for truth.
Ray Charles, Georgia On My Mind



Armando "Chick" Corea
Chick is my other jazz pianist addition, and this video is pretty charming. His touch is amazingly light, facile, and extremely quick. Also, he might be cheesy, but you cannot deny Bobby McFerrin's incredible talent. This duet is really nice, especially for any jazz lovers in the house.
Chick Corea and Bobby McFerrin, Armando's Rhumba



Ben Folds
My hometown boy! If you have never seen Ben in concert, you are missing out on probably one of the best live shows. Try to see him in the smallest possible venue.
Ben Folds Five, Brick



Marketa Irglova
Oscar winner. Actress. Musician. That's a hell of a resume for this up and comer. Marketa's voice is simple and proficient, and her voice is somewhat ethereal and childlike. Very nice combination.
The Swell Season, The Hill
*Please excuse the video; it had the least cheese factor. Sheesh.


Honorable Mentions:
John Lennon
Trent Reznor
Cat Stevens
Billy Joel
Bruce Springsteen
Tom Waits
Thelonious Monk
Art Tatum
Natalie Merchant
Zakk Wylde

Quick Cuts: Bowie's in Space

From the hilariously awesome "Flight of the Conchords:" Bowie's In Space

Look at these, my ruby red, ruby lips

WHERE MY BETCHES AT??!?!

You know, this might come as a bit of a shock to some people, but I want to tell you a secret: Not all women like Shitney Shears. Or Chessica Chimpson. Or Penis Hilton. Or Hariah Harey. Or Peline Pion. Hell, I hate to think even half of the women I know would like any of those "performance artists."

Yes, we like shoes. Earrings. Pink. And I might harbor a secret wish to have a life-sized doll house. But is there music out there for us gals that don't think that the soundtrack to a rom-com defines our very existence? This is my anti-rom-com manifesta!

Yes.

Let this henceforth be known as:
Female Artists That We Are Proud to Call Our Own! They Effin' Rock! or FATWAPCOOTER for short. (Funny aside: My maternal grandfather had a big doberman pinscher named Cooter.)

May I introduce you to The Bird and the Bee, Fcking Boyfriend



Please to allow Rasputina, Watch TV



Bless and protect PJ Harvey, Sheela-na-gig



I'm pleased to announce The Cardigans My Favourite Game



May 76 virgins greet you in heaven, oh most holy Cat Power Lived in Bars



My love, my very own, my precious, my dearest Portishead Over

Have mercy on the Devil, He's a friend of mine...

Hip hop is certainly misunderstood and often poorly represented, but no other genre elicits a yucky face more than Metal, unless you are a self-proclaimed "metal head." Metal is like shrimp, y'all: You've got your Goth Metal, Glam Metal, Grunge Metal, Grindcore, New Metal, Thrash Metal, Power Metal, Groove Metal, Speed Metal, Hair Metal, and Stoner Metal. Fuck, there is even something called Folk Metal! (Here, for your listening...something, is Skyforger. I admit, I kinda love it.)

And this doesn't even begin to cover all of the fusion genres: Crustpunk, Grunge, Industrial, Christian Metal, Metalcore, Neo-Classical Metal, and Sludge Metal. Just like any other under-appreciated / overgeneralized genre, metal has its good and its bads.

Metal has also gone under an extreme transformation since it began in the 60s (or, at least, what would be the roots of metal began in the 60s). I mean, would we really call the "hair bands" metal nowadays? No, not really. Which is why they have their own subgenre. It isn't hard to find some amazing metal music now, but it is quite tough to shift through a lot of the shit. Everyone lays claim to the "metal" genre, but there are just as many definitions of that as there are bands. (But that's why we're here...)

I'm sorry, but Creed? SO NOT METAL. Limp Bizkit? Not only NOT METAL, but also sport the worst "weird spelling" (and I'm being nice here) of the word 'biscuit' that I've ever encountered. (Now if only Hanson would attempt it; then I would have a valid reason to initiate Operation Bloodrayne. Oh, it will be so beautiful...)

Ahem.

So, along with my metal-addicted husband, we have created two play lists. One is for those new to the "goat" and in need a little edu-macation, and the other is for the true metal fan that might be looking for some new listens.

So first up, let me present some of my picks for Metal 'Mersion. Disclaimer here: I will say that I am extremely picky about the metal music I listen to; for me, I need some kind of melody or strong note line to follow--not just endless chord pounding, although I do appreciate its unique nature--and I must have technical dexterity. I mean, we must admit that playing metal guitar is a lot like showing off; if you are going down that road anyway, you better fucking mean it, and you better be fucking good. Shred it.

This first play list is a small gathering of very easy-to-listen-to metal-type music--don't expect dragon slaying--but ultimately they are fantastic musicians and worthy of a listen.

Boo's Metal-Lite for the Weak-Kneed:

Dax Riggs (formerly of Acid Bath and a bajillion other projects)
check out: Living is Suicide, from We Only Sing of Blood or Love

Explosions in the Sky
check out: A Poor Man's Memory, from Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever

Isis
check out: Backlit, from Panopticon

Life of Agony
check out: Wicked Ways, from Broken Valley

Wolfmother (Oh yeah, I went there.)
check out: Joker & the Thief, from WolfMother

Pelican
check out: Sirius, from The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw

Metallica
check out: One, from ...And Justice For All (I know they are assholes now, but they weren't always, and this is truly an anthem. Those opening lines are just...fantastic. And then they kick your balls in with the build up. Ok, I'm done.)

Between the Buried and Me
check out: Prequel to the Sequel, from Colors (This is my local metal plug. Yay for NC metal boys! And a video to entice. Note the hilarious pop ups from the video's producer. And yes, this is a long ass song, but worth the ticket price--especially the 5:16 mark.)


And now over to the man---the one and only person that could possibly inhabit the same sphere as me for as long as he has--the oil in my truffle, the Trent to my Tori, the Sid to my Nancy; my man: the Mister....

Boo's Metal Husband posting here: Second playlist is for the tried and true, those whose blood is black, those who have seen Slayer on their Seasons in the Abyss tour and ingested a few thousand metal albums! Most of the music is listened to in my studio/woodworking shop and in transit, riding around in the crazy silver she-beast! Enjoy... and please clean up after yourselves.

The Sword: Age of Winters (Kemado Records) evokes the true essence of Black Sabbath, check out "Winters Wolves." Ouch! Listen for the howling... and watch for them on tour with Clutch!

Torche: Meanderthal (Hydrahead Records) This stuff crushes, like Foo Fighters wrestling with Isis. The songs are all over the place but every one is good.

Neurosis: Through Silver in Blood (Relapse Records) and Given to the Rising (Neurot Recordings) these guys are everpresent and constantly revolving in my life... Given is the next step in the hallowed library of music that Neurosis has created and bestowed upon humanity.

The Melvins: Houdini ( Atlantic. 1993) The true alternative are touring again... these muthafukas are badass! And the drumming is phenom... thanks Dale.

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy: new and old, Lie Down In the Light, The Letting Go and I See a Darkness
this man helps to balance all of the seething metal oozing through my veins... this may not be heavy, but it is really fucking heavy!

Acid Bath: Pagan Terrorism Tactics (Rotten Records) You must know all the lyrics of this sick sick sick album for it to work on you! Dax Riggs and Sammy St. Pierre Duet slay with their interlacing vocals.

This playlist is always evolving.... and always heavy.

I wish I was born 20 years earlier... ahhhhh, consumed by distortion. Now back to Boo...


Alright people: Disperse and destroy. Never surrender. And most importantly...

Throw 'em the goat.

Freedom Dance Party Mix: Dance Like the Last 8 Years Didn't Happen

Dance Like No One is Watching
It has been proven that dancing makes you a happier person. Scientifically! Something about jiggling one of the glands in your head, or something. This creates a "good vibes" sensation that is highly beneficial to your mental and physical health. But that is not what matters here.

There is nothing better than going to a party--especially a party where you don't know the host, or most of the people there for that matter--getting tipsy, dancing until you are so sweaty you could grease every Mr. Universe contestant since 1983, and taking home a playmate. (This is merely an opinion. There are many things in the world that are certainly better than this, but for the purposes of this post, we are assuming that indeed, there is nothing better.) I've compiled a playlist of some of my favorite music that makes me wanna move, some that isn't my favorite but that I can groove to, and some that I honestly can't stand in normal situations save for under the influence. But here is the fun part: I'll let you choose your own adventure. (I know, I'm so magnanimous.) So take my categories here, and fill in your own choices in the comments section. It's the best part, after all. The difference between dancing by yourself in your underwear (which is fun, indeed), and dancing with a churning group of people that couldn't stop moving if they wanted to (that is really fun).

Songs to Get Tart-y/Brute to
If we're being honest, we know what trash (coughcoughmadonnacough) we like to listen to in the privacy of our own homes when we are "girlin' out with our clam out" (part copyright Dustin Rowles) or "rockin' with the cock in" (that one's all me); but what about when we are gearing up for a night of hot, sexy, sweaty dancing? These songs should make you feel sexy, fierce (although I hate using that word because of a certain former model turned Oprah-wannabe with an advanced degree in entitlement), and all around bitchin'. Here are my picks; leave yours in the comments, gals and guys.

You Shook Me All Night Long, ACDC: This is my classic choice. It starts off easy but rocking (because god knows you don't want to blow your load too early), and it's about sex. Score.

Chemical Calisthenics, Blackalicious: I dare you--no, I double dare you--to not want to fucking groove to this shit. With timing and beat changes galore, this gets your rhythm receptors at full attention. That, and Blackalicious is just fucking awesome. Clearly, that is the only reason one truly needs.

One Way Or Another, Blondie: Show me a girl that hasn't sung this into her hairbrush while making growly faces in the mirror, and I'll show you a girl that could possibly need a lobotomy. This song is pure feistyness.

Don't Stop, Brazilian Girls: Great beat, easy lyrics that make me want to have sex after I dance to it. Enough said.

Freedom, George Michael: The video has hot supermodels (which admittedly has nothing to do with this choice at all--I just can't help myself from mentioning it every time I think about this song), and it is a great sing-along song for applying mascara--no head banging.

Albums to Drive to
To be sure that we aren't fiddling with our CD/MP3 player while driving, it should be an album choice, rather than individual songs; an album that is rocking but not distracting, and all the songs are decent listening choices so you don't have to make too many changes. (You people that mess with your shit while you're driving? This is for you. It might save your life. Because it will quell my desire to murder you.)

None Shall Pass, Aesop Rock
Only one of the best hiphop albums in the last year. Maybe even the last five years. Crisp, clean, urban, smart, and amazing production.

Kala, M.I.A.
And then we have this album, which is probably the exact opposite of A. Rock's, but just as good. It's sloppy, unintelligible, jungle beat-y, and impossible not to move to.

Sound of Silver, LCD Soundsystem
Ahhhh. This is one of my favorite albums of all time. It is original, mature, smooth electronic punkfunk. It starts out slow...a little slow for comfort...but quickly builds into this undeniably fantastic groove. This is an album you can sink into.

Buena Vista Social Club, Buena Vista Social Club
Sexy sexy Cuban music. Great for feeling hot, especially while driving. It is fantastic music that puts me in a really good mental space (something I find absolutely necessary in order to dance with people I don't know).


The Song to Make an Entrance to
Everyone needs a good entrance; it doesn't have to be your personal anthem or whathaveyou, but it should convey strength, intrigue, and attraction. I like a good, even song that isn't too many BPM, but has just enough attitude to put a little slink in my step.

American Woman, The Guess Who: What can I say, it's America Day!! Happy AMERICA!! And it is also a classic. I'm just a classic kind of girl. You are lucky I'm not pooling from my Southern rock collection right now...

Fever, Peggy Lee: Sultry, smooth, simple. If you can't feel sexy listening to this song, then bless your heart.

Milkshake, Kelis: No, I'm not kidding. It's been long enough that it's cool again. Right?? Pshaw, what am I thinking--of COURSE it's been long enough.
I apologize for nothing!!!

Son of a Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield: Also a classic, but with a bit more flirt.


The Song That Makes You Gasp and Beeline the Dance Floor
Again, this list is totally outing myself from the "uber cool music nerd" group, but I'm totally not caring. At this point, I'll let you decide whether I am drunk posting or not.

Groove is in the Heart, Deee-Lite: I LOVE to dance to this song, and every remix ever made in every bad club I've ever been to. Thank you, Deee-Lite, for ensuring that I will NEVER go to a club and not hear this song.

Heavy Metal Drummer, Wilco: This might not be the classic "Oh my GAH let's go dance NOW!" choice, but for me, it makes me dance. Maybe good associations or something. I'm not willing to explore my psyche any further than that. Who knows what the fuck is down there...

My Sharona, The Knack: Totally embarassing admission--I rocked the Reality Bites soundtrack so much that I physically cannot just sit and listen to this song. My body forces me to get up and dance like a true moron. Leg kicks and all. Gahhh.

Crazy, Gnarls Barkley: Good opening bass + great pace + the word "crazy" said like "cuh-rah-hhhhaaaaaa-zaaaaaay" = WIN!


The Song to Get Sweaty to
Oh man, this so sooooo much fun you guys!@! I think we should' do this more often--oops, sorry about your drink; here, let me find you a paper tow--OH I HAVE TO STAY FOR THIS ONE, SORRY...

Music is My Hot, Hot Sex, CSS (yeah Effina!): I don't CARE that it was on an iPod commerical--I care that it makes me wanna SHAKE IT. WOOOO!

Billie Jean, PYT, or Thriller, Michael Jackson: Do the funny zombie swaying-claw dance! Oh, you know, the one---it's like this...weird pendulum thing! You don't KNOW IT??

Backyard Betty, Spank Rock: Please, do yourself a favor and get his latest album, YoYoYo. You will not regret it. It is soo dirty, y'all! heeee! (Seriously, it is dirty AWESOME.)


The Song to Seduce To
Oooh, hey, look at that dude. Nice shoulders. MMmm. He's turning around, ok, nice ass, good. I'm going in.

Wandering Star, Portishead: I wanna fuck this song. I really do. I've tried. It is what sex sounds like when you write it into a song.

Feed Me, Tricky: Slow and sexy and heavy, but still moves enough to make a dance out of it.

Os Novos Yorkinos, Bebel Gilberto: Think hips, wrists, arms; this Brazilian bitch knows what she is doing. (Bitch in the good way. Just FYI. I don't know how well you know me.)

Slow Like Honey, Fiona Apple: Again, slow and sexy, and all the right words.


The Song That Finds You Screaming Along at the Top of Your Lungs When You've Maybe Had One Too Many
Whew, I need another beer. Oh man, there's nothing but Beam? Shit, alright, well...fuck it, I'm having FUN! (Oh, how those words have come back to haunt me...)

Cherry Pie, Warrant: Ha ha ha!! Oh, I'm such a douchebag. I swear I was not in a sorority. No offense to sororities.

Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leoppard: See above.

The Sweater Song, Weezer: See: the last party I was at that ended in a sing-along. A Weezer sing-along. Sometimes I even shock myself.

I Like Big Butts, Sir Mix-a-lot: Everyone knows at least the first ten words. That counts.

Don't Stop Believin', Journey (courtesy of my baby sistaaaar!): I don't get it. It must be a Maryland thing. :)

I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night, Kiss: DUH! I wanna rock and roll all night, too! Sweet! Let's SCREAM IT AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!!

Ice, Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (yo yo yo SelfishKitty): Ok, so weird grammar nerd question because I just don't feel like looking it up? What is the correct comma use for this song? Two commas? One comma? NO commas?

I could go on for a while here...


The Song to Make an Exit To
I ahm shmashed!! Caan sumone givvvve me a riiiiiidee? Pleease?Aw mans, thanks mister. Whaat are you, a stunt maan or somethingk? Weeerd.

Love Her Madly, The Doors: "Wanna be her daddy" is just fucking awesome.