The Road to Hell

Okay, if you’re keeping score at home, you should already know that this next series of Friday posts is about guilty pleasures, tunes that you would be embarrassed that anyone close to you would find out you like.

To tell you the truth, I could give an entire bowl of fuck about what anyone thinks about the music I like. See, my earliest memories were listening to music. Music, has therefore, always been a part of my life, whether it be good or bad. So I’m going to list music that I believe would be perceived as guilty pleasures by the majority of readers.

Crappy 70s pop including tons of one-hit wonders.

There was a lot of really great music coming out in the 70s. Most of what is considered “Great 70s Music” by the masses is still heard today in the form of the Classic Rock radio stations. What I consider really great, though, are the one hit wonders. I dig Albert Hammond’s (yes, Strokes fans, it’s Jr’s daddy) “It Never Rains in California”, “Driver’s Seat” by Sniff N’ The Tears, and a lot of disco. Yes, I said it; DISCO. I played it off by scribbling AC/DC and Blue Oyster Cult onto my Trapper/Keeper, but deep down inside, I still was into things like “I Love the Nightlife” by Alicia Bridges. My favorite disco tunes? “Boogie Nights” by Heatwave and “Boogie Oogie Oogie” by Taste of Honey.

The most amazing thing I found was this video of Taste of Honey. In the 70s, there was no MTV. I mostly learned of these artists listening to the radio daily. I could tell that there were women singing on this song, but I kind of figured that it was a Supremes type set up, where there were several female singers backed by a band. Yeah, I know it was pretty stereotypical of me. I apologize, but I was a product of the white honkey recording establishment. I would have never thought that the singer was also playing such a killer bassline. This is as amazing as watching Stevie Ray Vaughn play guitar. Seriously.



Crappy 80s pop including tons of New Wave bands

If I learned anything about 70s music is how much disco and pop was shunned. Shame on those people for not seeing the glory in such bad music. I truly believe that my peers in the 80s subconsciously decided that when it was our time, we would embrace the music of our generation.

For the most part, I was into metal in the 80s. I ran the gamut from hair metal to the heavy stuff. I had “Kill ‘Em All” by Metallica when it came out. I didn’t discover them later and then backtrack. I was there in the beginning, bitches! I fronted with the whole metal posture. But secretly, I was also really into Cyndi Lauper and Culture Club, thanks to an ultra-cool and fashion trend-setting younger sister.

So yeah, I walked around saying Boy George was a fag, and I’m sorry. That dude had some great tunes:



Not that the metal was really any better. Yes, Metallica was my favorite band for the longest time. But when that first Poison record came out, I was all over it. Later, I would find out that C.C. Deville had completely ripped off Rick Nielsen’s (Cheap Trick) guitar solo in “California Man”, but then, that was a song by Jeff Lynne’s earlier band, The Move, so I’m not sure who’s ripping off who anymore.

But the song, “Cry Tough” still remains a favorite. What an anthem!



Unfortunately, pop music got really shitty in the 90s. There were some great hits, to be sure, but once the Mouseketeers got recording contracts, that whole scene went into the shitter for me.

I liked punk rock as well, during my formative years. That, combined with my love of metal, evolved with the Seattle scene. I found a friend in college that was a key influence on me, and I began ordering everything with a Sub Pop label on it. Of course, Nirvana came off this label, and once again, I was into them way before a lot of people ever sniffed a flannel shirt after a hard night out at your local punk rock club. While Nirvana, Soundgarden and The Fluid all moved on to major labels, there were so many bands that didn’t. So yeah, I got the Cat Butt EP and the Blood Circus EP. I got every Supersuckers release from Sub Pop. While some people have long since disowned grunge, it will forever keep its place in my unbathed, drunken heart.

So there you have it, folks. My Little Secret (thank you, Afghan Whigs).

Enjoy your weekend, and don’t forget to pick up a bottle or two of Goose Island Harvest Ale.

Acoustically Yours

Putting together an acoustic version of a song is like a lot of things. What I mean is, it's hard to do well, but when it is done well, it seems effortless and as natural as breathing; conversely, it is easy to do badly, and when that happens... well, it's not pretty. So let's take a look at some acoustic arrangements, shall we? And just to be clear, I am talking about artists re-arranging their own work here; covers are a different beast altogether. Also for clarity's sake, let me say up front that these are all artists and songs that I truly enjoy.

Of course, 'done well' and 'done badly' are extremely subjective, so I will elaborate my views on the subject as we go on. The first thing you have to look at is whether the song in and of itself lends itself to an acoustic arrangement. One can, of course, play anything on an acoustic guitar that can be played on an electric. But that doesn't mean one should. Let's take a look at this train wreck as an example:

INXS :: Need You Tonight


This illustrates what is, in my opinion, the single biggest hurdle of making a good acoustic arrangement; the fact that despite being extremely closely related, acoustic instruments are different from their electric counterparts. You cannot play a song the same way and get the same results, nor should you try. They made no effort to take the different sounds they were getting and use them to make the song more interesting. With, I think, awful results.


The Cure :: Friday I'm In Love


This is better, but still no great shakes. The song lends itself fine, but they didn't really do anything fun or new or interesting with it, and it is so tightly engineered that the feeling of spontaneity and intimacy that I think makes acoustic music so enticing has been stifled to the point of non-existence. It's not bad... it's just not any different from the album release version, so why bother?

The Eagles :: Hotel California


This is, I think a good arrangement. The song works, the instruments are used to good effect, feels vibrant and immediate, certainly. But there is no intimacy whatsoever. I mean, part of it isn't their fault- there are 97 guys on stage, which makes it hard, but even taking that into account, it feels very... closed. There is no insight into the song, or how The Eagles feel about the song to be had here. It's a great rendition, but it has no soul.

Sting :: Every Breath You Take


This works on all the technical fronts, and here we have some intimacy (of a sort). There is clearly a lot of connection and feeling going on between the musicians, but the audience feels excluded to me. Like kids with their faces pressed up against a window, watching the neighbors' television. Engaged, but not involved. Some of you may say that I am just being nit-picky, and I can see that, but I stand by my opinion. It's a great performance, but a little cold.

Tommy Tutone :: 867-5309 / Jenny


Here's another example of what I mean about Sting's performance; Tommy Tutone is fantastic in this clip, but totally untouchable. He has perfect 'rock star remove' here, aloof from the audience, holding back from letting any real emotion or meaning slip out into the music. And it's only barely apparent, because the rest of it works so well. That is, except for the guy in the back who's off key...


Colin Hay :: Overkill


This is the cream of the crop. If you are still with me, Gentle Readers, then you are in for a treat. Not only is this a beautifully stripped down and wonderfully executed arrangement, Colin Hay breaks all the barriers. I feel like he's in my living room, and like I can really see what he was thinking and feeling when it was written twenty-five years ago. It's immediate, intimate, and imperfect in a way that only accentuates what a great song it is.

Now that is a feat worth listening to.

Har Mar, not just another strip mall

The first time I saw Har Mar Superstar live was at Grand Old Day, which is St. Paul’s annual kick off to summer. The day was slightly overcast and the second this sex machine took the stage the sky opened up and let its tears of pure joy out upon us. It was just the universe’s way of telling us that an amazing show was about to happen.

Har Mar has the looks of Ron Jeremy sprinkled with Tiny Tim and the voice of a young Michael Jackson laced with some Stevie Wonder. Along with that visual, add to it the fact that he routinely performs in spandex and/or just his tighty whities. The second time I saw him live he pranced around stage in his full pale glory with a dollar bill stuck to his sweet sweaty chest.

His stage show isn’t all there is to talk about though. The man behind Har Mar, Sean Tillman, is an extremely talented musician who writes his own music and also fronts the band Sean Na Na. It’s always very refreshing to find a musician who has the complete package: a great stage show, a great voice and great writing skills. He also does a great cover of Alone Again Naturally on his album The Handler.

Jimmy Kimmel Live performance of Power Lunch and Sir Duke

Body Request video

Baby come back. You can blame it all on me.

Lately I've been lamenting the lack of really good new bands to my husband. It seems new bands these days are either some cheap derivation, a marketing scheme, or a desperate attempt to pass "performers" off as musicians. (Yeah, it sounds like I'm coming from old fart land. Actually, I'm not yet 30, so that isn't it. I think I know what it is. Oh yeah. GOOD TASTE. Take THAT, Vampire Weak-end. I'm sorry, what was that? Why yes, I AM a music snob. And no, I don't mind if you have a go at my expense. I thrive on conflict and whiskey.)

It isn't too much to ask, is it? Some decent new bands? Yes? It IS too much to ask? FUCK.

Well, in a related development, I've decided to post a list of the bands that I would love to see reunite. Some members might be dead, yes, but this is my dream and you can't crush it! Seriously though, this is a list of bands that were truly unique and are no longer creating music. And it makes my soul weep.

I'm sure there will be some of you to take issue with my choices. I planned it that way. So feel to hold back and not tell me how you feel in the comment section.

Soul Coughing.

In a rare reverse reveal, I'm giving you my number one choice for band that I would most love to see reunite. I'm giving them more than just a listing-type shout out because these guys were amazing. They took several distinct genres and created a sound that just wasn't around before them. I've seen them described as "slacker jazz," but seriously, come the fuck on. They are part funk, part hip hop, part spoken word, part jazz, part rock, and all awesome.

Here is a hokey video with the lyrics of the song. Just listen, don't judge.

Mr. Bitterness



True Dreams of Wichita



Ok, so here is the bulk of my list for "Baby Come Back."

Pink Floyd
Stone Temple Pilots
Black Flag
Acid Bath
The Kinks
Soundgarden
The Smiths
Run DMC
Talking Heads
King Crimson
Rage Against the Machine
Dead Kennedys
Luscious Jackson
Faith No More
Sublime
The Fugees
Kyuss
Sleater-Kinney
10,000 Maniacs
Black Sabbath (with Dio, please)
Guns N Roses
Mazzy Star
Deadboy and the Elephant Man

You can clearly see my musical leanings.

And then, of course, my number two choice for reuniting has to be Uncle Tupelo. I pretty much "became a woman" listening to these guys. They combined the best parts of my Southern country upbringing with some much needed rock sans the country pop shite. I love my alt country, and UT embodied the best of it. Here are a couple of tastes of UT, for you unfamiliars.

Postcard



Atomic Power



And just because I'm that much of a dork, here is Uncle Tupelo's last show, last song: A rocking cover of Gimme Three Steps with The Bottle Rockets. Historic.



AND because he has a pretty awesome sense of humor, here's Jeff Tweedy talking about a run-in he had with Jay Farrar while in Mexico after UT broke up.



I love him.

Kick Your Ass to Heaven with Rock and Roll Tonight

When I lived in Germany, I never saw the Scorpions, but the thing about rock and roll that you will never understand if you are American is the nationalism involved in rock and roll. It seems that no matter what country you’re from, you love your nation’s artists more. The USA and the UK seem to be the exception. I have never met anyone from these countries who point out the artist’s country of origin, unless it’s sort of unique. “Oh, they’re from Sweden.” Canadians are more likely to point out artists that are from Canada, and Germans seem to be proud of their countrymen who make it onto a big stage as well.

I can say this because I was actually at The Metal Hammer Fest in 1985, headlined by Venom and Metallica. If you ever see the “Cliff ‘Em All” video that Metallica put out in the late 80s, there is footage of that same festival in there. Warlock, who at the time only had 2 albums out, before Doro and the boys actually had a video on MTV, played in the middle of the day, and let me tell you, the crowd went apeshit. They were the only German band on the bill, and I’d say they had as vocal of a crowd as Metallica or Venom.

Which brings me to the Scorpions. My main focus on the Scorpions is the four album run starting with Love Drive and ending with Love at First Sting. There is actually a fifth album, World Wide Live which is sort of a greatest hits of these four albums, recorded live. I remember actually making a tape of this album and playing it at the Lindsey Air Station post office where I held a summer job in Germany, and either Anne Park or Deena Limbaugh regretting the fact that it was a live album, because the quality of the studio versions was so much better. I still don’t believe I’ve picked my jaw off the floor from that comment. I never heard anything off other previous albums, and the stuff after World Wide Live was never of any interest to me, for some reason, since I was still into metal, but that "Winds of Change" Gorky Park song was so lame to me. I don't want to hear Klaus Meine talking about political change. I want him talking about "loving you Sunday morning."

While the Scorpions are German, they were and probably still are, HUGE, in the USA. The only time I was able to actually appreciate this was during a trip back to the U.S. between the years I lived in Germany. Love at First Sting had just come out, and the video for “Still Loving You” was all over MTV. The video featured footage of them live in California, and showed people walking to the concert at the beginning of the video. I don’t know if it was just the hot summer, and missing the convenience the U.S. had to offer, but it just felt so American. They didn’t come off as a German band at all.

The other thing I want to point out is the art work. From all the issues of Hit Parader and Circus magazine I read back in the day, I believe drummer, Herman Rarebell (pronounced Rahr-uh-bell in his native country, not Rare Bell like we do here in the States), was the dirty-minded one in the group. He would come up with the naughty lyrics, and I’m pretty sure he had his hand in designing the album covers as well. So, this is your warning that this post may not be suitable for work (NSFW).

Here are my notes on the records, as I remember them:

Love Drive

Man, I forgot how great the first side of this album is. Actually, looking at the song list, I remember everything except the three middle songs. “Loving You Sunday Morning” is your typical Scorpions mainstream song. It could have been played on Top 40 radio. “Another Piece of Meat” is kind of a throwaway, but is kind of funny, speedy, and rocking all at once. And while the title track is excellent as is the rocker ballad, “Holiday”, “Always Somewhere” intrigues me the most on this album. If you played this song back-to-back with Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man”, you would swear the Scorpions ripped it off. In fact, I would love to hear some classic rock bar band make a medley of the two songs just to watch people’s confused reactions. Wacky, naughty album cover. Is that supposed to be gum, or flesh that the guy has on his hand?

Animal Magnetism

Overall, I never really cared for this album. There were two songs that stick out. “Falling in Love” which is a mid-tempo, unforgettable rocker and “The Zoo” which a lot of people liked, but was actually kind of boring to me. It’s too long and too plodding for my tastes. However, the most interesting (and fucked up) thing about this album is the cover art, and not just the front of the album. You’ve got a dude holding a beer, and a woman “assuming the position” as well as a Doberman there. I can’t find the original German back cover online anywhere, and I would have taken a photo of the cover had I not given this up in the Great Vinyl Clearout of 1998 when I was making room for my future wife. The American version had the same photo on the back, with the track listing. The German version had the track listing but the dog’s head was extended so that it was out of view, as if the dog was “taking care” of his master. It appears just to be a doctored photo of the original. I know that I wouldn't want a Doberman that close to my John-Thomas.

Blackout

Every tune on this album is solid. Even the grunge-like “China White” – although grunge had not been invented yet, there was still Sabbath, and there may or may not have been an influence here. You have the rocker ballad, “No One Like You” and the straight up party rocker “Can’t Live Without You” which I’m sure whipped many a crowd into a frenzy. When I first heard the title track in 8th grade, via an American Forces Network commercial showing some kind of tank launching a rocket (remember, this is Germany), I thought to myself, “This is the heaviest rock I’ve ever heard!” I also dig "Now" and "Dynamite" off this album.

Love at First Sting

An even stronger outing than Blackout, I think the Scorpions really hit the mainstream with this one. All the tunes are great, and they scored big with “Rock You Like a Hurricane”, “Big City Nights” and the rocker ballad, “Still Loving You.” My favorites are “I’m Leaving You” (for the great riff after the chorus) and “Coming Home” which starts out like a ballad and then rocks out with its cock out the rest of the way.

You would think that German rock would deserve a good German beer, but quite honestly, I think just as many Americans love the Scorpions as Germans. Therefore, I am recommending Boulevard’s Lunar Ale, which is an American version of a Dunkel Weizen. Enjoy!

Guilty Pleasures (Emphasis on the Pleasure!)

I wrote this post twice.

The first time, I talked about some of the music I have in my collection that I am sort of ashamed that I own. (You know what I mean; I know you all have Wham! and Terrence Trent d'Arby in your iTunes. Unchecked so they don't come up in rotation, maybe, but there nonetheless...) But I thought about it some more, and I decided that I wasn't really doing the theme justice, that I was being too narrow. Those tracks, while certainly fulfilling the 'guilty' part of the theme, did not embrace its 'pleasure' aspect.

In order to rectify that, Gentle Readers, I give you some music that I am absolutely, an-apologetically enamored with, no matter how many times I get pointed and laughed at for it.


Spinal Tap :: Big Bottoms


I don't know how one can not love this, or at the very least appreciate how magnificently perfect the parody of every rock band that plays to crowds of teenage boys is, but apparently there are those that do not. It's a mystery to me. If you have never seen this film, you must. And then watch the commentary; they do it in character, as if they are sitting around watching the final cut of the film, and it's like a whole second movie.


Pat Boone :: Crazy Train


That's right, Pat Boone. The same Pat Boone who started recording in the 50's and who made his career on covers of R&B hits intended for a mainstream (which at the time meant 'white') audience. The same man who was so devout that he refused a movie role alongside sex symbol Marilyn Monroe because he didn't want to compromise his standards. The man who, apparently, has developed a killer sense of humor.

Rowlf the Dog :: I Never Harmed an Onion


Some have said that a grown man should not, perhaps, have silly songs by muppets in his music collection. They would be wrong, and unable to appreciate the simple brilliance of Jim Henson.

M.C. Hawking :: Big Bizang


This, of all my music, has gotten the most comments along the lines of, 'What the fuck are you listening to?!?' My answer is always the same: hardcore science rap as if it were done by Stephen Hawking, bitches!

White and Nerdy :: Weird Al Yankovic


Weird Al is (and some of you will find this ridiculous) kind of a hero of mine. I mean, such comedy! Such wit! Such talent! I went to see him live, once, and while it's true that the only other adults there were parents with their pre-teen children, it is also true that it is one of the best live shows that I have ever seen, hands down. The man is a national treasure, I say, and anyone who disagrees can face me at dawn with pistols in hand!

wave your hooks in the air

we know hardcore. we know grungecore. we can accept that these words are mashups of some musical style and "core" - indicating that it's, oh, got heart? really determined? kinda stupid? one of those.
basically, it was something like this, with some grinding angry punk in the background:

nataliedee.com

so, with all that as background, perhaps you've outgrown other cores. or maybe you're so young that the majority of your exposure to glen danzig has been via aqua teen hunger force. (myself, i prefer to think that if that's the case, you're too young to read. but i'm starting to realize that the whippersnappers are now, like, old enough to win 8 gold medals in the olympics. for f's sake, you guys, michael phelps was born in 1985!) ahem. anyway. perhaps as you've started your musical evolution, you've mused about your place in the world: i'm a hip kind of fella or lady. i like pirates. i like music. and i like to shake my booty. in short, you've asked yourself... what about piratecore?
this is all, of course, assuming that you're like me.
maybe one day you were bored at work, and you put the words "pirate hip-hop party" into google.
you clicked around.
a new musical obsession was born, and his name was captain dan & the scurvy crew.



now, i won't even begin to claim that it's mature. but all of my musical selections needn't be for the tennis-and-cocktails crowd. in fact, few to none of my selections are for the tennis-and-cocktails crowd because such a crowd is by and large comprised of douches.
it is, however, smart, funny, wicked entertaining and above all, unlike anything else i've ever listened to. i mean, really, anyone who can rap about "cause a fuss with my blunderbuss" has got my heart in a serious way.
add to the wit a pretty decent level of skill, and you've got something i can only call "a winner."
you can download the full album here. don't be a whiner, pony up a few bucks. because seriously, having this much piratecore in your life is totally worth it.